CDs

LIKE A GIRL

I was beaten up every day
For holding my hands like a girl
I was punched in the school hallway
For carrying my books like a girl
And if I ran they'd chase me, trip me, laughing Cause I ran like a girl
I was beaten up every day
For getting good grades like a girl
I was kicked down the steel staircase For speaking in class like a girl
To cover up the bruises
I'd put make-up on my face like a girl And no one did anything
And no one said anything
And every morning I'd put on my fresh-pressed clothes I'd make my lunch and I Would walk to school knowing I'd be beaten up every day
For holding my hand like a girl
I'd be kicked down the steel staircase
For speaking in class like a girl
My father never knew he'd be ashamed he'd say I fight like a girl.

c 2008 Scott Free

THE BOY IN THE LAST PEW

Man shall not lie with man
It's an abomination
They shall receive due penalty For their perversion
Preacher said it's wrong
It's wrong
The Lord rained on Sodom and Ghommorah Brimstone and fire
Neither effeminate nor homosexual shall inherit The Kingdom of God
And I don't deserve to live anymore
And I don't deserve to live

c 2008 Scott Free

ALONE

Alone
I'll live with my secret alone They'll be no 'Honey I'm home'
Alone
I'll live in some city, alone
Some small high-rise apartment
Strewn on the coffee table are wilting flowers And copies of After Dark magazine
I'll be seen as the pampering uncle
Carrying presents at Christmastime
Nieces and nephews will fall in line
Till I go back home
Alone
I'll walk the dark streets
I'll roam through the back rows of darkened theatres The groans of naked women on the screen
I'll be seen as the cavalier bachelor
Traveling foot loose and fancy free
Actually spend my nights loitering
Bus stations, alleyways, Stairwells, corridors
Till I go back home
Abandoned buildings
Hotel washrooms
Till I go back home
Alone

c 2008 Scott Free

THIS IS ME

He wore a chartreuse Speedo
The sand stuck to my thighs
The air was filled with sea salt and urine And Bain De Soleil
He waited for my glances
And stared into my eyes Instinctively he motioned I followed He fell to his knees
My legs were shaking I couldnÕt stop them
All the world fell silent
Allowing for our sounds
I breathed him in and held him inside me As if he were me
My heart was racing I couldnÕt stop it
I ran through blinding sunlight And down the scorching sand
I fell into the ocean to drown in To cleanse myself
Baptize myself
I said to myself
ÔI hate myself
But this is me
This is who I amÕ

c 2008 Scott Free

MOM DAD I

Mom, Dad, I
Have something to say to you
First of all I'm sorry
For what I'm going to put you through
You'll be so ashamed
And you'll be so disappointed
And your church friends will make jokes
And they'll look at you like you've done something wrong You've done nothing wrong
And your only son
Is not the perfect one you dreamed of No, he's not the one
And I don't know why God make me this way
And I know you'll blame yourself
And you'll always say, If only I had seen But you've always seen
All there is to see
It's only me
Mom Dad I
Have something to say to you

c 2008 Scott Free

HAPPY AGAIN

This is the coat
This is the coat I wore the night
My world was formed
You opened the door
Opened the door I walked inside
My world was formed
You collapsed, your muscles relaxed Head pressed down against my head Heavier, heavier
I you breathed
Heavier, heavier
I will not move
Will I ever be this happy again?

c 2008 Scott Free

MEET MR. RIGHT

In my pursuit of happiness I lived from one lie to the next I made it easy for the rest while I suffered
While they were waiting for a wife
Their silence cut me like a knife
But I don't care now it's my life and it matters
I always did just what they wanted but not tonight Meet Mr. Right Please try to be polite to him
Meet Mr. Right Don't make a scene tonight with him
He simmers everything he's heard
She has to whisper every word
They still believe I can be cured of this sickness
Their silent airs it suffocates
They think that God can set me straight
They gave me unconditional hate and I let them
The stage is set for my show-stopper so let's light the lights
Over my dead body, he would say
I can still feel it burning
Yeah, if he were in his grave he'd be turning
Thought I was down for the count but I'm up for the fight Don't make a scene tonight that tongue you'll bite
Just shut it tight, time to wrong
some rights so
Smile bright and be polite to him

c 2008 Scott Free

FREE

They taunt me because I comfort you
They sneer at me because I smile at you
They laugh at me because I cry with you
They hate me because I love you
When will this be all in history? When will we be free?
They mock me because I honor you
They lie to me because IÕm true to you
They abandon me because IÕm there for you They hate me because I love you
When will this be all in history? When will we be free?
They fight me because I fought for you
They harm me because I heal you
They kill me because IÕd die for you
They hate me because I love you
When will this be all in history? When will we be free?

c 2008 Scott Free

GRID

Yes I've heard all about that new disease It's happening to gay men
San Francisco has ten
Twelve in New York City
Five are dead already
The short breaths the night sweats the purple spots Those are freckles I've had them all my life
And my health is perfect
I sweat because I'm nervous
I think that they deserve this
It's their lifestyle
Bathhouse every night endless appetite lifestyle All that tricking and sucking fisting and fucking
It's the ones who are out party every night at the Saint Ôcause Pretty boys can sin there
And they never let me in there
I'm not beautiful enough for that crowd well they can
Have their fun in that high loft
Soon there all are gonna die off
It'll go away its days are numbered it's a phase it's got to be But to myself I swore I'd kill myself before it ever got to me Gay-Related Immune Deficiency
It isn't only gay men
It's happening to Haitians
IV drug addicts
Hemophiliacs
The gay plague now it's called AIDS oh what a name They destroyed their own immunity
The piercings in their cocks and
The hankies in their pockets
I know that I can stop it
With my lifestyle
Stretching and sunning lifting and running lifestyle
Daily regimen herbs and vitamins vegetarian
I'm not ending up lying in some hospital bed where They refuse to treat you
Kick you out into the street you
Are rejected shut out then you are left for dead and All you have to your name is
An inhaler and a cane
The government's behind this they are out to
Find us brand us with a stamp
The truth is covered up they're going to round us up For concentration camps
America
is waiting for the day when gays admit defeat What on God's earth can this be
Karposis Sarcoma
Pneumocystis Pneumonia
CMV Toxo
Cryptosporidium
And day by day wasting away
Maybe it's being pumped in our clubs through the ventilation Room deodorizers
Or the hand sanitizers
Or it's Agent Orange or a batch of tainted poppers
Sold in the bars and discos
Or it's something in the Crisco
When it was Toxic Shock they pulled out all the stops They didn't ride the fence
For Legionnaire's Disease to put the world at ease They spared no expense
America
is waiting for the day when gays are obsolete And the death toll is growing every day
As our brothers have bled
Not a single word said
'Till we're all dead

c 2008 Scott Free

DEATH TOLL

Ben had his friends overdose him injected pure heroin
Shannon asked that his ashes be spread on Fire Island
Ronald found God but he was just too exhausted and he lost Him again
Teddy was everybodyÕs buddy he became completely withdrawn
LindelÕs bed was moved to the window there he could watch every dawn Roddy demanded his body be dumped out on the White House lawn
Noam had been kicked out of his home but he went back to where he belonged Marty gave a fabulous party no one was allowed to mourn
Jamie was found dead on his paintings shot with every canvas torn
Michael dead
Michael dead was so weird
In his silver bunk-bed
Second row third column
And the sheets were so clean so damn white He was a beautiful man
He was a beautiful man the day he diad
Sherron was a strong man but his very last words were ÔIÕm afraidÕ Milo was wild his friends chided him he said heÕd never get AIDS Trevor had his love smother him with the pillow he macrame'd
Lou refused to go to the hospital he knew he would never leave
Oly slowly slipped into a world of make-believe
Marlon donned his bed with tinsel and garland he died on Christmas Eve
Jake baked a coconut cake for himself on his last birthday Keeler found a physic healer said he could visualize it away Kevin never lost his endless optimism not one day
Michael dead
Michael dead was so strange
So quiet so not there
It was Michael but it wasnÕt Michael
He was a beautiful man
He was a beautiful man the day he died
Bud just lost it smeared his feces and blood on the bathroom wall Tex traveled down to Mexico for drugs that did nothing at all
Sid just withered away in his room he had no one to call
Pete stopped speaking completely his mouth was covered with thrush Rex never stopped having sex he just made it anonymous
Steve said he just had to leave he died right on the Greyhound bus Nate thought he could escape it by being monogamous
Nasir smashed all of his mirrors he said he was hideous Ken alienated his friends he was so furious

c 2008 Scott Free

BETTER

I awoke and IÕm not feeling better
I know what that means
Like all of my friends before me
I watched every stage I lived every scene And I canÕt pretend anymore
Always had escaped somehow But I know itÕs my turn now
IÕm left with what might have been And what IÕll never see
I have nothing to show for my life Why did this happen to me?
All my hope it sweat out of my body Along with my dreams
And what was the point of my life Why was I here? What did it mean And I canÕt pretend anymore
And I know my time is now
How could this have been allowed?
IÕm not feeling better I know I know
IÕm not getting better I know I know

c 2008 Scott Free ACT UP FIGHT BACK

Act up fight back
People with AIDS under attack what do we do? Act up fight back They say cut back we say fight back
What do want? A cure for AIDS
When do we want it? Now!
We are angry we want action
Silence equals death
Health care is a right
Not just for the straight and white
Release the drugs now
History will recall
Reagan and Bush did nothing at all
WeÕll never be silent again
Act up!

c 2008 Scott Free

EQUAL

I make love to you
You make love to me
And thereÕs nothing in this world that IÕd rather be We are parallel uniform hand in hand one to one Equal
What I give to you
You give back to me
ThereÕs a reason weÕre here now itÕs meant to be We are parallel uniform hand in hand one to one Equal
And it feels so right It must be right
Man to man woman to woman
This is nothing if not equilibrium
We are parallel uniform hand in hand one to one Equal
And it feels so right It must be right
We are able to live in a world without labels Every voice would be heard and all people
Everywhere in the world would be Equal

c 2008 Scott Free

TWO GREAT DADS

WeÕd make two great dads
Well one great dad and two great kids
We would stay up late with our flashlights Under the covers
Speak in secret codes no one could
Ever decipher
Dad itÕs not a laundry basket itÕs a fort
Please can we stay up for just fifteen minutes more Make farting sounds with our armpits
Giggle uncontrollably Ôtill we get in trouble
We always get in trouble
YouÕd yell at me to go to bed and laugh ÔCause you mean come to bed
WeÕd make two great dads
Well one great dad and two great kids
WeÕd make a haunted house drape the windows Like it was nighttime
Make paths through the garage by hanging sheets From the clothesline
Cobwebs from a spray can of aerosol
Spaghetti for intestines and peeled grapes for eyeballs IÕm the tallest kid on the whole block
So IÕm the headless horseman Frankenstein and Igor IÕm always playing Igor
ItÕs getting late you miss your other half In bed I call you ÔdaddyÕ you just laugh ÔCause you know I mean it
WeÕd make two great dads
Well one great dad and two great kids
But remember
ItÕs a fact of life that kids grow up and leave you But this one never will
This one never will

c 2008 Scott Free

SIDE EFFECT

What a fitting side effect
To lose the feeling in your hands Like we were stealing love
What a fitting side effect
To lose the fullness in your sharp profile
That guaranteed a steady stream of hangers on
What a fitting side effect
To lose the memory of how you finally came To accept yourself
What a fitting side effect
To lose the feeling in your hands

c 2008 Scott Free

MY GENERATION

From our small towns and suburbias WeÕd escape
From our own fears living nightmares WeÕd awake
One by one
And we came to a place where we would belong And we made up the rules as we went along
My generation
We fought for our loving My generation
We built if from nothing
With our Centers and cafe?s Our protests and parades
Our sports teams and cabarets We found each other
We held on
When faced with our holocaust And all was lost
And we scraped and we struggled to stay alive Never knowing among us who would survive
My generation
We fought for our loving My generation
We built if from nothing
With our rags and our ribbons Our flags coalitions
Our leagues and newspapers Our teams and fundraisers Our banners and backrooms Our churches and chatrooms Our quilts and our choirs
Our punks and our riot grrrls We found each other

c 2008 Scott Free